Resolved.

Sorry I have been completely MIA lately. Things haven't been so easy for me for the past several weeks, but I'm pleased to say that the negative forces in my life have been negotiated away and I am ready willing and able for a new start. The even better news is that I've actually found that new start and rather like it.

I've also gotten the crochet bug. I learned after learning how to knit, mainly to do some decorative edges and the like, but last winter actually made a scarf. Today, I started another crochet scarf. One pattern repeat in and I am so down with this - the pattern, from www.crochetme.com is amazing.

I have about 10 rows to go on the baby blanket, which works out great since we're leaving on Wednesday morning, after which I will officially be out of time. I think I may wash and block it there, as I won't see the recipient until Christmas Day. Whew.

Socks on hold, but they may be my travel piece, along with the crochet. Green scarfy is almost done.

More when I have the chance, but I'm still standing. And standing proud.

Its been some time

I realize that its been many moons since I've last posted. Time just gets away from me these days.

In that time, Mike celebrated his 30th birthday...



...and he was a real trooper. I'm so proud of him. He's made so many changes in his life in the time that I've known him and he deserves whatever goodness may come his way.

In other news, I'm still knitting though I am embarassed to show another progress shot of the baby blanket. I just want it done. I know I can finish it, its just that I keep forgetting to pick it up while I'm sitting on the couch.

And last night my sweetie took me to see Alvin Ailey at the CityCenter. What an amazing show. If any of you NYCers are in any way interested in modern dance, GO SEE ALVIN AILEY. Their run just started, so there's still time to buy a ticket. Its worth whatever you pay. I never wanted last nght to end - it was magical. And, we lucked out with an aisle seat with no seat in front of it for my 6'4" stud. What are the odds?

Cranberrylicious

In my family, I'm considered the baby. Even though I am now 27 years old, my family often doesn't see that I am self-sufficient - including that I have a job (even though its a mess right now), I can feed myself, I rent an apartment and I am in a serious relationship with a man I plan to marry. As such, I was never allowed to do the "grown-up" things to help prepare for Thanksgiving. I was always relegated to the chores, like grating carrots for the stuffing, or peeling potatoes, or washing the spoons. One year about a decade ago, I was finally allowed to prepare one thing. One thing only. One thing that only I liked to eat: The Cranberry Sauce.

As its the only thing that I was ever allowed to make (their fault, because I am actually quite an excellent baker and a fairly decent cook), I have perfected my recipe over the years. I like a basic sauce, made from whole fresh cranberries, with extra fruit cooked in, and walnuts added at the last second. Even though I am not going home this year, I still made the damned cranberry sauce. And its gooooood.

For those interested, get one bag of fresh cranberries. Rise and drain. In a large pot, combine one cup of water, and one cup of sugar. I like to break it up - two-thirds regular sugar and one-third brown sugar. Bring that combo to a boil, making sure to stir and dissolve the sugar, and then add the cranberries. As it comes back to a boil, the cranberries will whistle and pop, which is a lot of fun. Chop/dice two pears and one apple (I like to leave the skin on but that's a matter of preference. Also, I use two pears because they are generally small this time of year) and mix them in so that they get to boil too. Keep it at a light boil for at least ten minutes. Then cool it. I like to add the walnuts in just before serving so that they stay crunchy. Its the perfect blend of sweet and tart and I lilke it a lot.

If you make it, let me know how it comes out!

I'm Still Standing (yeah yeah yeah)

But barely. I have a variety of stress-induced illnesses to add to my sore neck and they are driving me nuts. Seriously, kids. If you ever have the chance, don't let your boss abuse you.

But I have been knitting. I'm nearly done with my greenilicious scarf. I frogged (or attempted to) the mohair mess and I'll be returning the other balls back to Downtown Yarns for something different. And my sock is moving oh-so-slow. And, after all that, I realized that times a-wastin' on the baby blanket. So I made a new rule - MUST KNIT ON BABY BLANKET. Followed by MUST COMPLETE BABY BLANKET.

That's all for now. More when I have my wits about me and when my life is back on track.

The Whole Shebang

Where to begin? So much to report. And tons of pictures, which I tried to do at a lower resolution to avoid the slow loading of the page.

I am perhaps most excited about the serger. Here she is:



She was very expensive. But she is now mine. I got her from an amazing sewing store in Queens, called Sew Right. They have a web site, but since I can't link with my Blogger-Safari combo, you are out of luck. I have gotten many supplies there for my Bernina, and the service is just amazing. My mom and I decided that since I wanted a serger, she would combine my birthday and hannukah gifts this year and contribute some monies towards my purchase. I thought I could get one for around $300, but no dice. This one, an Elna 744, is used, and she was almost double that amount. She retails for $975 if anyone is truly interested.

This is the one stitch I have mastered, the Safety 4 Thread.



Next, I'll be trying to do a rolled hem. How freaking awesome is that? I'm going back to the store on Thursday morning for the first of two free hour-long instructional sessions. Like I said, the service and support at this store is amazing. If you are looking to get a machine, even if you come in from Brooklyn like I do, it is totally worth it to patronize this store. Let me know if anyone wants more information.

And on to the next. My lame-o sock. I am using the Socks 101 article from the Spring 05 Knitty, and Trekking XXL yarn, on size 2 dpns. I got the yarn at needles at Seaport Yarn, my first foray to that store. I have mixed feelings. The woman who helped me there was FANTSTIC, but the store itself left me feeling disorganized, confused, and bewildered. I don't know if I will go back... but I did appreciate the cash-only policy. It helps with the budget, you know.



As you can see, its less than an inch of ribbing right now, and its an understatement that I got distracted by all of my other projects. But I like it. Here's the full skein for color hounds:



I can't wait to see what its going to turn into. So far, there's some speckled black-n-white, and then a solid band of that pale, minty green. I know it'll be awesome. As this is my practice/learning pair of socks, I think I'm going to do one sock top down and the other toe-up. We'll see what happens.

Moving right along, I wanted something portable to work on, and love scarfy goodness, and feel absolutely in love with this lush yarn at Knit-A-Way in Brooklyn.



I love the colors, and it is sooooo soft. I've got about 30 inches out of one ball, on size 11's doing 2x2 rib. Its pretty. I have two more balls, and I'm thinking I can use the second one to finish up and use the third to make a hat. Or, go back to get a fourth ball so that I can make the scarf a little longer (I like to wrap twice), and then have extra for fringe.

And finally, the third and final piece of work is this mohair shrug-like thing from a house pattern from Downtown Yarns.



I'm having a heck of a time with this. The project is shown as a sample in their window, and its so cute. Its got a ruffly collar and sleeve hems, and is knit in this beautiful mohair. But they yarn they recommended for the project is pretty off gauge, and I am finding the pattern to be quite poorly written. I'm doing a lot of math on this one, and its starting to hurt my head. I have finished one sleeve, and am ready to progress to the back and back-neck shaping, to continue on down to the other sleeve. And then, similar to the OSW, you seam the sleeves and then pick up in the round around the edges for the ruffle border. That's done in short rows, which I am excited about. However, I think I'm using more yarn than I should be, given the gauge problems, and I don't even know if this is going to fit me. I should have just started over at the very beginning to try to match the gauge instead of fudging the pattern, but now, after doing almost a whole skein of mohair, I am quite loath to pull it out and start over with much bigger needles. I have a dreaded feeling that this might be a throwaway project. But, its keeping me busy in the short term, so I guess I'll just keep fudging. Or, how hard do we think it'll be to frog mohair and start over with bigger needles?

Whew. All done. And now I'm exhausted!

Boing

I've been on a yarn binge. In the last three days, I've started three projects, and bought a new machine. I'll explain and show pix when I have more time, but for now, let's leave it at this list below. The list is mostly to help me remember what needs to be photographed and what stories to accompany the photos.

1. Gorgeous green tinged yarn for a 2x2 ribbed scarf on #11 needles. Its so soft and cushy. I think I may just have to make a matching hat.
2. My first sock! I got some Trekking XXL and started my first sock using #2 needles.
3. Purple mohair for a house pattern shrug/cardi.
4. My brand new (well, used actually) Elna serger, which I am struggling to make work!

Whew. Mike needs the computer to work on the weekends, so I am unable to do this now. But since I am STILL not expected back at work, Monday will see a complete report.

Lotsa Food

Last night, Mike and I went on a company-sponsored date. It was awesome. He's on the comittee for his firm's holiday party, and was thus conducting a tasting. Yay for having a boyfriend who is doing a food tasting! As the committee broke up to try different places, I went with him. We went to this place called HK, for Hell's Kitchen, on 9th Ave at 39th Street. It was pretty darned good, if anyone is interested in trying a new spot.

Since they wanted to get a sense of the whole menu, we got to try a lot of dishes. There was SO much food. I can't even describe how much food we had. I've never eaten a meal that big. We got a regular salad, muscles, sesame tuna, crab cakes, steak frites au poivre (yum yum yum), grilled salmon, and an apple torte dessert. Geez. That's four appetizers and two entrees, plus desert. For two people. And they did not skimp on the portions. All of it, save for the tuna, was delish. Toss in the cocktails, and it was a blast. And, it was paid for by his firm! Totally free date!

On another note, I'm lame. Or rather, I'm feeling lame. This neck thing is getting me down, though today it is MUCH better than yesterday. Thanks for the tips! The job thing is also getting me down. I really need some resolution here. Its driving me bonkers. I think today I'm going to call the org's lawyerlady (as I lovingly call her) to ask about an update and any reassessment on the timing for resolution. Even though I have other things going on, it is so hard not to feel like my whole life is on hold. I just want this to be over so that I can move on. Seriously. I've put up with enough of my boss's crap in the past year and a half to have to deal with this on top of everything.

But, on Monday in therapy I made a vow to not waste this time. I want to do things during the day that I'm not otherwise able to do. Things on my list are: Go to School Products (never been, can you believe it?!). Pick a new museum exhibit to see. Go to a movie matinee (I LOVE going to movies by myself). Sew Sew Sew. Knit Knit Knit. Going to School Products will probably help that, right? I need more yarn. I have Ideas and I'd like to act on them. If anyone out there has any daytime fun suggestions, now is the time to share them!

Boooooring

I'm still home. And I'm still bored out of my skull. No developments yet in the world of crazybossland. I saw the organization's hired lawyer on Wendesday last week, and there's been no movement as far as I can tell. The lawyer at that point said two more weeks to resolution, which, if accurate, would make it four weeks that I've been sitting around waiting for this to blow over. Not cool. I'm losing my edge, man. My brain is rotting. And, the stress is TOTALLY taking its toll on my poor little body. My neck pain from last Friday (no, not this Friday that just passed, but the Friday before that, Oct. 28) is still hanging on, and I'm getting really pissed off about it. I'm sort of not worried, because it definitely feels like muscle pain, and it only feels sore like that when I hang my head forward. No other direction. No back pain, no headaches (aside from those pesky sinus headaches), and only mild shoulder soreness, but I can actually feel those knots.

On the other hand, I only had one panic attack during this whole thing, and that is a serious, major accomplishment.

And on the other other hand, I got accepted to Baruch's Masters in Public Administration program! Yay for me! I got my admissions packet on Saturday, and have been feeling really good about that.

Now, I'm off to vote for NYCs Mayor. I really love voting. Geeky, I know, but I just love it.

Scarfy Goodness

I finished the scarf a few days ago but haven't had the chance to post the photos. I don't have a modeled shot, but perhaps soon I can wear my new scarf with my new winter coat. I actually love the way the scarf looks on, as the points of the diamonds look really nice around my neck, its such an interesting detail.



And then because I'm feeling cheesy...



It looks like I'll have a lot more time on my hands for the next two weeks. I'm thinking about my next project, even though I still have the blankie shawl on the needles and the baby blanket that I need to finish up by December. But I'd like to make another scarf, because I love them, or try to make my first sweater. Maybe today when I'm feeling less hung over I'll go to a yarn shop. But, that means money, which I should try to conserve, no? We'll see. Maybe its time for some tough love. Maybe I should just finish the pieces I have started before moving on to something new.

How do you decide what to work on?

Tweedy Crafty Skirty

Yay! I made something today!

I pulled something in my neck a day or so ago, and therefore am taking off from the gym, but I was feeling pretty lazy today so I decided to make a skirt. I bought this amazing orange tweedy wool fabric from Mood a while ago and never did anything with it. I fully intended to make a skirt one day with it, and as the fates had it, today was the day. The pattern is my own, made during my patternmaking class at Make. Sorry for the non-linkage, but I'm using Mike's Mac, and Safari and Blogger don't play so well together. Any ideas for making this easier?



There she is, resting on my bed. Isn't she a doll? She's got front and back darts, an invisible side zipper (I'm still perfecting the art of the top of the zipper, so any suggestions here are most welcome) and is a true A-line.



I did this awesome thing with the waistband that I'm super proud of. I took the idea from a dress I made from a different class at Make. I put bias tape on the right side of the skirt, and then turned it inward and secured it to the inside of the skirt to form a stable waist.

And now the portrait shots. Mike is out today so its me and the mirror. Um, both big mirrors chez moi are filthy, so I am sorry for the grime. The skirt is clean, I assure you. I even ironed it, and if you know anything about me, you know that is a huge deal.



This is my glamour shot, designed to make it look like I actually have hips that are a different width from my waist.



Hip hip hooray for my lovely skirt! I can't wait to wear her out!

Sexy Hair

Yesterday I got the sexiest haircut ever. I went to a new salon, reco'd by my friend Julie, and this gal was just amazing. First of all, she was supercute. I love when hair girls are supercute, as it makes me feel like I, by mere proximity, can become supercute too. Secondly, she was attentive and did exactly what I wanted. I even asked her what she would do if I gave her carte blanche, and she said she would do the same thing, as she wants to grow out some of my layers and give me length overall. Just what I wanted, by the way.



You may never see it straight like this ever again. I haven't had it straight in a number of years. Three, probably. Last night, Mike walked right by me at the bar. He didn't even recognize me! How cool is that. Mind you, this photo is after a night of boozing, and sleeping on it. And you can't tell (I hope) but I'm still just in my bra. No shirt yet for me! But what's the deal with my nose? Its looking rather bumpy and icky in this pic, but the hair looks fabu, so I'll let it slide.

Gotta run for a lunch date. But enjoy the hair! And pray for a return to knitting content soon!

Holy Crap

Oh, Internets. What's going on with my life?

I filed a formal complaint against my boss for her physical attack. I realized that I couldn't just let it slide and that an apology would be useless, as I am so afraid of what she might do next. So, formal complaint it is. And now I'm on a paid leave of absence while an Investigation takes place.

This is seriously weird. I haven't been to work all week. And I'm totally in limbo, though I realize that in all likelihood, I will not be returning to my job unless they fire the President. Unlikely, for sure.

I'm taking care of errands. i returned one of the three winter coats I bought. I went to the library. I visited a friend's new apartment. I paid some bills. I made a trip to the mailbox. I've gone to the gym. I've even showered. And today I'm getting a haircut. But it still feels so weird. I know I'm doing the right thing by standing up for myself but I partly feel like I'm making a big deal out of this. But, I do think that feeling comes directly from how my boss has browbeaten me in the past, making me feel like an idiot for sitting in the wrong chair. Its like she's brainwashed me into feeling like a complete moron with no smarts and no voice. And I know for sure that ain't me. So booya Madame President. Screw you for putting your hands on me. I doubt you'll learn a lesson, but I'll be damned if I don't try to teach you one.

Big Wool Hat

I made a hat today. Actually, I made a hat today, twice. I usually wind up making hats twice.



I love it. But of course, there's a back story. I made this hat before (so I guess that means I've made this hat 3 times). It was the very first hat I ever made, way back when I learned to knit in around 2002. It was made out of a coral-orangey color Rowan Big Wool and I was so excited. So very very very excited. I wore this hat for three winters, loving its warmth and plush-ness and everything about it. But, it was a llittle big. And this was before I knew that you could fudge patterns to make them how you want them.

But here's the bad news. I lost the hat. Last winter, while I was taking the M21 from my office to Make workshop for a sewing class, it must have fallen out of my pocket on the bus. I had been carrying a ton of stuff - my regular handbag, a bag with my sewing class stuff, a bag of stuff to stay at Mike's for the night (this was before move-in #2) and a roll of patternmaking paper. After walking from my office to the bus stop, I was so hot that I took the hat off and jammed it into my coat pocket. I arrived at Make only to realize that my hat was no longer in the pocket. It was a sad, sad day.

But that brings us to today. I didn't lose any time hatless last winter and I was determined not to do so this winter. Sure, I have other hats, but I loved this pattern and loved that hat.



Its "Madge" from Rowan's Bigger Picture. The color is shade 25, a very eggplant looking purple. Of course, it will match the scarf that I just can't seem to finish. I did some mods - The pattern calls for a garter stitch border before going into the seed stitch for the crown, but I wanted all seed stitch, all the time. I took out two rows to account for the slightly smaller size I was looking for from the last hat, and I made the hat. This is what I came out with:



It was big. So big that it covered my eyebrows. So big that it was dragging at my neck. And what did I do? Instead of being sensible and just ripping back to before the shaping and removing a few rows, I ripped back the whole darned thing. And started totally over. I think I have a fear of picking up stitches. And then I removed three more rows, for about an inch lost in length from the first run, and probably about an inch and a half from the pattern itself. And I think its perfect.

Mike thinks so too. He said, "It looks like a raspberry. I kind of want to eat it". Success!

Chester Copperpot

I have spent the day so far searching for and applying to jobs. I have had enough. Seriously. Fuck this place, and fuck the boss. Crazy fucking bitch.

Yesterday, at a work function, my boss, the president of this esteemed organization, put her hands on my neck and shoulders and shook a little. Aggressively. And then laughed it off.

I was stunned, to say the least. I just looked at her, looked at a coworker who was standing with us, looked back to her, and walked away. What I should have done was walk out, never to return. Or, at least, said quite loudly, "Take your hands off me. That is inappropriate." And then walked out. But no. I just walked around the corner to another hallway and collected myself, and then rejoined the meeting. This all occurred because I asked her where she would like me to sit for the meeting. Because, yes, I have to ask permission from my boss about which seat to take during a meeting. Because yes, she is totally fucking off her rocker.

The really shitty part about this is that she has already fired all of the HR staff, so there isn't anyone I can talk to about it except for her. There aren't any other senior staff members that I can talk to either, because they run their own programs and have very little to do with the core work that the President's office runs and are therefore useless. I can grin and bear it, or I can walk away.

I am ready to walk away. This is just ridiculous.

And hence, Chester Copperpot. If only I had that treasure map and could pay for my rent and health insurance without this crazy animal of a boss riding down my neck. I think I'll start calling in sick every day until I find a new job. This is just ridiculous.

Not a Good Sign?

My interview with the high-salary place was a week ago last Friday. So, two weeks tomorrow. A week ago Monday I sent in the requested references and writing samples. Yesterday I called the woman to follow up (left a VM. hate that!). And nothing. Is that or is that not a bad sign? I think its a not-so-good sign. I think that if she was totally gaga over me, she would have gotten back to me in response to my materials, or at least, you know, ever. And now I wait. Or do I wait? Of course I wait. But I guess what I thinking about is, do I wait with anticipation or hope for an offer? Or do I just put it out of my mind and know that I did all that I could, following all the right steps, etc.?

I don't know if I want the job. And I'm not just saying that becuase I don't think I'm going to get it. If she called me right now and said she's got a great offer for me, I don't know what I would do. I have so much freedom here, and so many liberties with regards to time, wardrobe, attitude, etc. There's no real incentive to switch places other than the fact that my boss is a power-hungry megalomaniacal psychopathic narcissistic depressive with abandonnment issues. But I know that and I can try to limit my interaction with her as best I can. Oy. Oy vey is what I have to say today.

Knit one more diamond on the scarfy scarf. Sloooooooooow. But I think I would like to try to finish this weekend. Just because. And I'm going to make myself a coordinating hat this weekend, too. I think I'll pick up the yarn tonight on my way to the bar after work. Yay! Bar after work!

The knitting on this scarf isn't going as quickly as I had hoped. I figured I would be totally done by this weekend that just passed, but no dice. I am about 8 diamonds into it, and not quite finished with the first skein of Kersti. But I like it. Its fun. I just find it hard to work two repeats in a row because the counting is a little tedious and I'm sorta dumb with numbers.



Here is another photo if you just can't handle that one.

And I think I decided what sweater I want to make, as my first real sweater project. Its from the Winter 2004 IK, and its the Mohair Cowl Pullover. It seems kinda cool, and an easy thing to do. From there I want to try a top-down raglan with an open neck. But I fear I am getting ahead of myself.

The cool thing I wanted to share is this:



They are handknit, from Turkey. A woman I work with is from Turkey, and goes each summer to do archaeology stuff. Last week she learned that I knit, and told me about these old women in her hometown who sit there in the streets and knit these slippers, and how they chat away and knit without looking at their work and make these beautiful things. Then, yesterday when we were on our way to a site visit, she presented me with this pair of slippers. Aren't they amazing? I just love them. The fit is very snug, and so totally warm and comfortable. I thought they would be itchy, but they are so smooth on the inside. I put them on as soon as I got home from the gym and didn't take them off until it was time for bed. Sigh. Warm feet make me happy.

Here, you can sort of see the construction. It seems like its two rectangles that are assembled together to make the part around the foot itself and the part that goes around the heel. Both are attached to a footbed, and then the toe is folded into itself.



I also love how you can see my whiter than white legs in this photo. Go Pale!

Work It Out

I'm too busy at work right now to hate my job. I guess that's some amount of relief, though it seems strange to me.

I had a great weekend. My Saturday class at the gym hurt so good, and I loved it. Yay for getting stronger! And on Sunday I had a great girl-day with my friend J. We saw In Her Shoes, which I thought was good (she thought it was slow) and then did a little shopping. I think J. is my shopping good-luck charm. I have a terrible time shopping, but whenever I'm with her, I always find way more than I can afford. Its a blessing and a curse, for sure.

Gotta get back to the grind... but maybe some photos of the scarf tomorrow. I'm about 7 diamonds in. So much for two a night - I knit two this weekend!

Curses

It doesn't work:

Your search - "megann needs" - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

- Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
- Try different keywords.
- Try more general keywords.

Most of my life I went through much trauma from having a name nobody else had, or at the very least, nobody spelled it like I did. Sigh. No meme for me.

I called the cops last night. My neighborhood is sometimes the worst fucking ghetto you can imagine. Most of the time its great and I love it, but its often filled with people who flap their gums and argue in the street and blast their comforts into everyone else's personal space, usually after midnight. Like last night. I had fallen asleep. As in, I was already asleep. And what do I hear, that actually wakes me up? Music. LOUD MUSIC. From a car, parked in a spot, on the street outside my bedroom window. Now, normally the situation is some fucking asshole who double parks and talks to his friends while pumping shitty rap music at ninety million bazillion decibels. But this time, the dude was in. his. car. With the windows closed, because, you know, its raining. And his music Woke. Me. Up.

So, I turned my cell phone back on and called the 88th Precinct. The officer was very nice and said he'd send someone out to take a look. So, I turn my phone back off, get back into bed, seething, and lie there. Listening to this asshole's music. Mike had passed out long ago after a binge drinking session with a friend, so he barely stirred. And I was left, yet again, to stare at the fucking ceiling while everyone around me in the whole wide world sleeps. Is there no justice? Do I not work hard enough each day that I don't deserve to sleep? Do I have "wake me up every night" written on my forehead? Or rather, "just don't let me sleep, ever, so that I become the crankiest woman who ever lived"? Maybe that's more appropriate.

So, I, me, Megann with two n's, is the crankiest woman who ever lived. I have not slept a real night's sleep in about a week. And I hate everyone around me, I hate my job and now, I am just cranky enough that I even hate myself. So fuck you, world. And fuck you pillows. And fuck you, you filthy sonofabitch who woke me up last night. I hope you die a horrible painful death. Or at least get woken up yourself. Every night for the rest of your pathetic life.

Sigh. Progress.

The spell, she is broken. I am using my fabu camera and taking pictures of lovely things that I am creating with my hands.



This is the scarf, and I love her already. I wound up getting some Koigu Kersti for her, as Purl no longer carries Noro yarns. Say wha'? I fell in love with some Alchemy with the same silk content as Silk Garden but it was about $18 per skein and I was so not down with that. So, Kersti it was. And I am pretty darned happy with it. The colors are beautiful. I think they photo'd pretty well, with the beautiful purples and browns and such. And the pattern is so much fun to knit! The two diamonds took no time at all, and its very easy to follow. According to the pattern, 18 repeats make an extra long scarf (and we all know how I love love love extra long scarves). With 16 left, I figure a minimum of two a night would take me 8 days, right? With the weekend coming up I could definitely finish it this weekend. Yay for new scarves!

On to the next. This is the baby blanket from SNB, the first book, for Mike's soon-to-be nephew.



I am at the point where I will reverse the knit and purl panels for the second half of the blanket. I just haven't done it yet.

And this, my dear readers, is the famous blankie-shawl. She is knit in Knit Picks Elegance, and she is so freaking soft I just want to eat her. Or at least fondle her all the time.



As you can tell, she is too big to spread out over the needles, so you are seeing the center spine of the shawl. At the bottom is the neck side. The pattern calls for 17 inches, but I think I'm going to go longer so that it covers more. I'm in the 3rd skein of yarn and I bought 7, so I may have a ways to go on this one. It gets boring, as its all knit in garter stitch. But its so soft that I can overlook its.

On a professional note, I am thisclose to being ready to submit my MPA application. Just a few more tweaks on my essay and its good to go. I found out that rolling admissions are a good thing, even though they are spaced out over several meetings. So, they say about 5 weeks from submissions is a good time to hear. If I get it in this week (which I def. will) then I should hear before Thanksgiving. Which is good.

And I'm done.

Its Officially Colder

I am wearing boots today. This is a big deal. Not just closed-toe shoes, but actual boots, that zip up the side. Serious non-summer shoes. I always find it hard to make the transition. I love going almost barefoot when I can, and I just love wearing flip flops and sandals. Which is strange when you think about it because I always have cold feet, no matter what I'm wearing. One would think that with constant cold feet, I'd be a little wary of bare shoes. But no.

I love these boots, too. I just brought them to the cobbler last week to get them re-heeled in time for the new season, and I'm glad. I just love them. If I would only remember to use my darned camera, I could take a photo of them and share with the group. They are lovely, truly.

No knitting progress last night, as the love-of-my-life and I took it easy on the couch, with some much-needed snuggling tossed in for good measure. Gosh is he cute. And a good snuggler. This morning I had my annual visit to the gyno, and all is well. Whew. Not that I thought it wouldn't be, but I always like hearing that I am healthy. Its nice. Since I can't really take a lunch break today, as I only got into the office at noon, I will be going to Purl after work to pick out my Noro for the Edgar scarf in this issue of Knitty. I'm thinking Silk Garden, as I have never worked with it before, and the hat I made out of Kureyon was a little too scratchy for my taste. I hope that the silk content will smooth out the fiber and scratchiness. And, to my credit, I even checked for needles this morning so that I know I can start the project immediately. It turns out that I have to sets of size 8s, one a 16" circ that I'm currently using for the unfinished legwarmers, and the other 8s are long circs (32"?) that I"m using for the blankie shawl. Since I like to knit scarves on straights, I'll treat myself to a short pair of straight 8s.

And since I'm now dreaming of warmth (the A/C is still on in my dumb office - can these jerks get anything right at all ever?), I leave you with an older photo, from our LA trip this summer.


Ah, sunshine with my sweetie.

Ramblings

Pictures soon, I promise. I've just been lazy. But not so lazy as to have not made any progress on the blanket! G-d bless laundry day.

I made it to the pattern reverse mark, which means that I am 50% complete. It has been pretty easy going, and I'm sure that I will have it done in time to deliver it in December. Plenty of time. But now I'm growing bored with it, and I really want to make something small. This is my third large project in a row. First the shawl, then the blankie-shawl (in progress, I know, I know) and then the actual blankie. I would like to make a scarf. Or a quickie hat. I recently acquired the Scarf Style book, and like Ruffles and one of the crochet patterns (and I actually have the yarn for it already, which makes it an excellent candidate). I also like this scarf from the recent Knitty.

Thanks for the sock recommendations. I think I'll take what I've learned from my comments (thank you!) and from asking around and put it all together in an actual store and see what I wind up with. I hear that many love love love Nancy Bush, so that might also be a good place to start.

On another note, wish me luck with this job thingy. I think my interview on Friday went really well, and today I'm sending the requested references and writing samples. I hope that this works out, as it would be pretty cool. However, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, as it would be terribly upsetting to crash with the realization that I have to stay where I am for a while longer. But, at least I got my raise. I guess the lesson here is to be thankful for what you have. And I am.

Guilt

After feeling incredibly guilty about my list yesteray of unfinished items, I worked on the baby blanket last night. It was the first time I knit while watching TV. Typically, I have to look at the stitches, but last night I was in the zone, so to speak, and the rows just flew by. Perhaps it was the crappy Lifetime movie I watched that made it easier to focus less on both. Perhaps.

Regardless, I have about 3 more inches to go on the blanket before I have to reverse the pattern.

And I think I would like to try to knit socks. Does anyone (if anyone reads this) have any suggestions about good patterns to start with? I know I don't need any more projects gumming up the works right now, but I think Im' ready for the sock challenge/bliss that I've been reading about on various blogs.

Job update: I got the raise I wanted yesterday. In true Prezzy fashion, I was called into her office at 4:15 yesterday afternoon, unannounced, for my "review" which was really nothing more than a salary review with the back office budget lady there as well. It made me uncomfortable, which is normal as Prezzy inspires that kind of dread, both to have it sprung on me like that and to not even have a private conversation about it. Not to mention not even having a moment to prepare myself or collect my thoughts, save for the time it took to walk from my cube to her office. But, I got what I wanted. It turns out to be a 15% raise, and she made a big point of telling me that normal raises here are 3%. When you make as little as I make, though, 15% doesn't seem all that much in actual dollars. However, it will be the push I need to feel more comfortable about my finances and getting rid of that last bit of credit card debt in under one year, if I commit the total raise to the card.

But, this does raise some issues for me. I have an interview with another organization tomorrow. For a job that is a step up for me, a challenge, and sounds pretty interesting. I know I don't have an offer yet and that I haven't even been on the interview, but already I'm weighing my options. Is staying here worth it now that I feel like I have enough money to live on? Or am I still going to feel the same dread coming here, knowing that I have little room for advancement or opportunity? Is it better to just get out? Or to give it another chance with the new salary? I have the known-vs.-unknown syndrome going on here. I know that Prezzy is totally nutso and that's not going to change, but I do have a system here that helps me deal with it. At someplace different, there's no guarantee that things will be different, though in my humble opinion, they sure can't get worse. Any ideas here?

I think at the very least, getting the raise will help me feel more confident at the interview tomorrow, because I will know that I have something decent to come back to if it doesn't work out.

Oh life. How you challenge me. Keep it coming.

I Will Be A Better Blogger, and I Will Stop Eating Candy Corn Before 10 AM

I joined a blog ring today. Jess suggested a NYC knitters ring and I decided, hey, why not. I would like to meet knitters, as none of my friends do it, and it would be fun to knit with others. And, I would like to be a better blogger - I see this is a big push to blog more regularly. And if I'm knitting more regularly, then I will have more to blog about.

Updates (the list is rather depressing, as nothing is finished):

• Baby blanket - still where I left it, though I have a December deadline for the delivery
• Blankie Shawl - into third skein, and will assess how much more I want to do after that is finished
• Legwarmers - these are from last winter, and I think I'm going to rip them out and use the yarn for something else. I'm just not into them anymore, though I still think they'd be useful as I have big plans for making winter skirts
• Dress - still not finished, though I know it is ready to go

I still want to make a sweater and I'm thinking long and hard about what I want to do. I recently frogged an in-the-round poncho that I never wore and now have 13 balls of Sunshine. I think they would work into something very nice...

I'm still having the same retarded issues with my retarded job. Except now, my one treasured colleague, who regularly takes a bigger and meaner beating than I, told me that she is leaving. Well, she's looking to leave. She can't stand it any more, which I agree with. I don't know how she does it. And she has amazing connections and has already been putting her good networking skills to use. I give her another week before she finds her dream position. But, once she's gone, there is no buffer between me and the big bad evil gross nasty manipulative abusive Prezzy. I may as well hand in my resignation when she does. Things will only get worse for me.

But where do I go? What do I do? Do I stay in the nonprofit world and hate the next job I take? Or do I try and make a real effort to try something different, something in the private sector? I am just so stumped here. So stumped. Anyone know a career counselor?

New Patterns

Its not like I have a list a mile long of things I want to make or anything...

Burda released their Fall/Winter patterns recently and these caught my attention. I am 99.9% sure that I'll be purchasing them before the week is out.

The skirt, which looks kinda skanky on the model but won't be on me:



The dress, which is so freaking cute as a tunic or as a dress:



I recently separated the top and bottom pieces of the dress I'm currently making and I hope to have that near completion this weekkend. Of course, it is now no longer the season for such a dress but I hope I can push it another week or so. I can always wear it next year, I guess.

I'm on the third skein of the blankie-shawl, which I hope to finish soon. I may take a break from it to work on Mike's sister's baby blanket, as I decided I would like to give that to her over the holiday season instead of mailing it when she gives birth to the little nugget.

And there's so much else I want to make! I need more time...

I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah

I'm still here. Just boring.

I left town on Thursday the 15th and got back on Monday. The last few day's I've spent catching up on work, life, and the gym. Its amazing how even the most dedicated and well-meaning exerciser I am at home, I lose all sense of inclination to sweat while on the road. Mike and I brought running stuff with us to visit with his family, and not one of the days did we even think about putting on our sneaks. Well, maybe once I did, after eating two dinners one night, but it was a brief thought and I went to bed soon after. Then I felt lumpy and lazy, so I made up for it on Tuesday and yesterday.

Boxing. I took a boxing class at my gym. It kicked my arse, I tell you what. Try doing our opening number: jump rope for 2 minutes straight. Then take a 60-second break, and do it again. Then do it again. So, for those thought-challenged out there, that's a total of 6 minutes of jumping rope. Uh, its really hard. Really really hard. Even for someone like me that works out all the time and is in fairly good shape. I thought I was gonna fall down, and not because my feet kept getting tangle in the rope. For the record, jumping rope was a helluva lot easier when I was 9 than it is now.

Two Posts In A Day?

I am totally going to try my hand at this. I think I can make a really super cool one.

I'm B-B-Buggin'

Its happening again. The damn heebie-jeebies have got me in their claws and I'm freaking. Totally freaking.

First, the good news. This past weekend, I progressed 4 pattern repeats on the blankie-shawl. That's good, as I feared it might never grow. As in, I might never finish it. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, the not so good news. Much of which may sound like a repeat from a few months ago. And since I just love lists:

• I hate my job. It is a thankless place where I am underused and undervalued. I have zero prospects for moving ahead or gaining new skills, as the ruler-with-an-iron-fist prevents true learning and advancement from taking place.
• I feel stuck in my job, as I don't have any skills to move forward since I don't do anything here.
  
• I am destined to be poor poor poor. And even if I do find another job, I am forever going to be stuck in the same dumb earning bracket as I have been in for the last few years. I just don't see a way to get ahead. Which leads me to...
• I am so struggling with money right now. I spend too much and make too little. I know that the anser to that is definitely spend less, but I seem to be having mucho trouble with that. I think I am going to stick to a cash-only allowance once a week, and use that for everything. That means not only am I still leaving my credit cards at home, but I will no longer use my debit card. Cash only means cash only. As in the dolla bills I have in my wallet only. I figure I can try this allowance-based system for two months (my therapist's suggestion) and see how it goes.
  
• I am supposedly due for a raise in October but I can't even count on that because its too risky. And I hate worrying about money. And I feel terrible because I'll be forever holding Mike back with my dumb salary. Its a terrible feeling to want to be an equal partner but unable to do so. However, the median income for a 4-person family in New York is $69,354. If you divide that by two earners, that's $34,677 each. I make more than that, so something should be working out for me. I shouldn't be in as much trouble as I am. And its not that I'm in trouble, really, its just that I thought I would be in a much better place by now. And now that I see that I'm not, it makes me so anxious about ever getting to that place.
  

And I'm stuck. I am working on my application for grad school, again. I have decided on a Master's in Public Affairs, part-time, at a CUNY. I know I could do this and I know it could help me get ahead, but its also so disheartening. I feel so dumb. I feel so behind the curve. I feel so inadequate. Why do I up-and-down like this? Why do I seek self-value as reflected in others? Particularly this job. So, I have a job that isn't that interesting or exciting. Why do I let that indicate my self-worth? Why not feel excited that I can work on my essay while here and feel engaged in that way? Its hard to feel good about the trade-off. And I think its harder still because of how my last job ended. I was fired. Let go, as people instructed me to say. To go from that hurt and disappointment to this place where nothing I do has any meaning or value, well, its hard. It reinforces the worthlessness. You dig?

Sigh.

I guess its back to my essay.

Its Official. I'm 27.

Before I work up the energy to post about my fabu birthday party, I leave you with a photo of me and my sweetie at said party. Aw. Aren't we so cute?



The weekend highlights for now, just in case I never work up that energy:

• Mike made a yummy carrot cake. He also took me for a delicious birthday dinner. Ah, Peruvian food. How do I love thee?
  
• I arm wrestled, with pictures to prove it. But I did not win.
• I fell out of a plastic chair and bruised my elbow. I'll live.
• My nephew refused to sing me the birthday song, but he did repeat over and over, "Happy Birthday Muggie".
• We saw a guy get attacked on the subway, including cops with guns drawn and all the accompanying drama.
  

I'm sure there's more but see, the energy thing is just getting in the way.

Happy Birthday to me.

Finally, Some Sewing

Yesterday I did some sewing. I found a tutorial for a lined, zippered pouch on Craftster, and it was so super fun to make. Here is my pouch:



You may recognize the material from my as-yet-unfinished dress. Its beautiful. I lined it with some leftover coordinating material from my first skirt:



Don't you love my spindly fingers? Here it is filled with lotsa stuff:



For the record, we have in there a few packets of Advil that I stole from the supply closet at work, two different kinds of eye drops, some dental floss, my face powder, my Benadryl cream for those pesky hives I keep getting, and four different lip glosses and/or balms, including the best lipgloss ever:



Maybe I should consider paring down to one or two. Interesting idea.

The pouch features a 7" zipper, so its not that big. But its so cute. I think I shall start to make them and give them to people who I know would love them. It was really so easy to make, aside from the pesky zipper application, but now that I know the pitfalls there, the next one should be much easier. Invisible zippers are WAY better than regular zips. So, I just need to get some zips and I'll be in business! I'd like to make a few for my mom and sis for when I see them in a week or two. Don't you likey?

Is This The Shoe Blog?

I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. It was torturous, really. Normally shoe-buying is my most favoritest thing to do, but I've been trying to be better about how I spend my cash (no more credit, thankyouverymuch) and thus felt an enormous amount of guilt. For these:


Now, ain't they purdy? I found the picture on Zappos.com, which listed them for $63.99. I paid $39.90, with no tax, at the fabu DSW in Union Square. Now that's a deal. And that's part of why I got them:

1. Its tax-free week. Saving 8% is right up my alley. Fuck the man, you know?
   
2. They can be worn to work with slacks or a nice skirt, and they are also sexy enough that I can wear them with jeans and a hot top for nights out.
   
3. Uh, they are red patent leather. Isn't that reason enough?
   
4. They are so affordable, even with cash. Just shy of forty bucks, can't beat it.
   

I'm really not sure why I wavered so much. I have a little money coming in right now and even though its earmarked, its still available to me. I just sold my old (new) bed, and I still have my last check from the store that I haven't deposited yet. Between the two, I could buy ten and a half pairs of these shoes. That's more than enough to cover the one pair, you know? I think its that I'm trying to be good. But I also don't like when I see something I love and don't get it out of guilt and then think about it forever and ever after. Does that happen to anyone else? I knew that if I didn't get these, I would be thinking about them every day I got dressed in the morning wondering how great the pretty pretty inexpensive shoes would look with such-and-such outfit. Sigh. Its so hard to be a girl who doesn't make that much money but has wildly exciting fashion tastes.

And, its almost my birthday. Each year I like to get myself a present. Last year it was my favorite bag from LeSportSac and this year, it shall be the shoes.

And so it is settled.

In Other News

I have not crafted in some time. Well, that's not true. What's true is that I have made virtually no craft progress.

On Sunday, while taking the LIRR home to visit my family, I knit one 4-row pattern repeat on the blanket-shawl. That thing is gonna take me forever, but I'm proud to say that I finished the first skein of Elegance and am ready to add the next one, provided that I continue to knit it. The original pattern calls for 350 yards, which would be about three skeins, but I am using one size smaller needles and I want to make it bigger. That's why I bought 7 skeins. But the thought of getting through two more, much less 6 more, is making me tired. Just plain tired.

I still have to put the dumb zipper in on the dress. Uh, pretty soon it'll be too freaking cold to even wear the dress. And, I don't think its gonna fit me, so I'm kinda not interested anymore. I think its going to be too tight on the waist, but I'm too lazy to rip out the bodice to skirt seams, and then the side seams of the bodice to open them a little, which is what I should do instead of hoping against hope that I can zip it up if I just shorten the seam allowance at the zipper. Oy. What if I just opened the sewn seams at the parts where I need to access the sides? That might work, but I would also need to re-attach it to the skirt... hmm... nope, that wouldn't do. That settles it. Tonight, I rip out the seams and give myself room to breathe. Literally.

I dyed my hair. Rather, my mother dyed by hair when I went home on Sunday. It was kind of the point. I used Preference, in a shade called Intense Red. Its darker than I expected it to be, and I'm not sure if it'll lighten up. But I do expect it to 'settle' in to a color that it isn't right now. I'm still getting used to it, let's just leave it at that. I shall ask Mike to take a photo tonight, if I remember, so that all of you (non)readers can take a looksie.

And I'm done.

Gimme a break...

Um, does anyone remember when Teri Hatcher was totally freaking anorexic, after her stint as Lois Lane ended? Because I do. It was everywhere. She had total lollipop head syndrome, and was truly disgusting. And now this, a lovely quote from the MSN gossip pages:

Did recent snaps of Teri Hatcher's alarmingly pin-thin gams make you want to FedEx her a carb-packed care package? Save your stamps. The "Desperate Housewives" star is fuming over the whispers that continue to swirl around her fat-free frame. "To think that I would need to stop eating and be anorexic and sick to get a job is the wrong message to send to girls and women in our society, and that really bugs me," Teri rails to the London Mirror. "I am all about health and to me size is not what defines your health. It never crossed my mind that if I was thinner I would get more jobs."

Its retarded. She did exactly that not so many years ago. This is infuriating. If you are going to preach the benefits of a healthy diet and comfort with your size, then own up to your own disease. And if you truly want to be a role model for girls and women in our society, own up to your troubles and say that its possible to break free of those chains with hard work and determination. Don't go spitting lies at the public about how you are a model citizen who eats regularly.

Fatso

The New York Times reported today that a new study identified nearly ONE QUARTER (24.5%) of Americans as obese. This is no janky study, either. Its data from the freaking CDC.

Is anyone as shocked as I am about this? Its ridiculous! One quarter of adults in this country. That is astounding. Not to mention the children who will grow up practically breeding heart disease, diabetes and joint replacements.

Ok, I know that I tend to be rather obsessive about my weight and my body. I even joke that its a wonder I'm not anorexic, given the history of my teenage years. Though, there are some who would argue that I'm constantly in limbo on that one.

But seriously.

GET OFF YOUR ASS.

What is the joy in living if you can't move your body? Are potato chips and soda so important to hapiness? Does it make you feel good when you get winded walking from your front door to your car in the driveway? Turn off the TV, shut your mouth and move your legs. Its really not that hard. You just have to TRY. Why wouldn't you want to? Why wouldn't you want to feel the strength of your body, to see your muscles working, to feel the energy you can create and control. I'm not saying that everyone needs to join a gym or get a nutritionist. Just get off the freaking couch. Walk around the block a few times after dinner. Stop drinking Coke. Put down the second piece of pie at your next party. Don't order dessert when you go out to eat. Show some freaking personal responsibility and take care of the body you were given. Do you think your mother went through however many hours of labor so that you could be slothful and destroy your body? Show some respect for yourself and your family and take care of yourself. This isn't about shame or wearing a size 2, this is about responsibility to be healthy. So many people lose their lives to unnatural or unpreventable circumstances. Why throw yours down the shitter when you don't have to?

I got my September issue of Allure last night and finished up an article this morning on the subway about little things that can ruin or make a sucessful eating plan. These things are so easy, so common sense oriented that I am amazed that people need to learn them. In the spirit of health (but not copyright infringement), I shall list them here:

1. Liquids have calories. That means soda, cream in your coffee, your milk-based latte, your margarita or beer after work, all of it.
   
2. Eat naturally to control your cravings. Studies show that people who use artifical sweeteners while trying to be 'good' wind up actually indulging more in other sweets.
   
3. Have a good attitude and set reasonable goals. And keep an eye on what you are putting in your mouth and what you are actually burning through activity.
4. Eat normal sized meals and seriously watch portion sizes. Restaurant servings are easily twice the normal portion. Don't clear you plate just because there is food on it.
   
5. Eat protein to feel fuller longer.
6. Get enough fiber, also to help you feel full and to ensure proper digestion. That means fruits and veggies, people. French fries and iceberg lettuce don't count.
7. You eat more when you're tired, but way more than required, and not out of need. Bottom line, make better choices, especially when you're sleepy or drunk.
8. Eat fruit. Lots of fruit. No excuses.
   
9. Exercising doesn't give you free license to eat whatever you want - you still need to balance calories in and calories out. A 30-minute run is not an excuse to eat a pint of ice cream.
10. Eating while working is bad. Take the 15 minutes and have an uninterrupted lunch, and look at what you're eating, not shoveling in whatever the office assistant is ordering that day. You deserve to take the time to feed your body responsibly.
    

There. My rant for today is done. No offense meant, seriously. Just take a look at your life and your choices and Do Something. Just try.

Bad Blogger, Bad!

I still here. Not that I think anyone actually reads this (which is probably better, by the way), but I'm still here. Nothing to report on the crafty front.

I didn't really work much at all on the shawl. Which I realized last night is going to be huge and blanket-like, and less shawl-like. But its so freaking soft that I hardly care, as its not really punishment to wear it during the winter. Like a blankie. My soft purple blankie. Yah.

I had every intention of inserting the zipper into my dress last night, but then I watched the Six Feet Under finale (I missed it on Sunday) and was pretty much incapacitated. I don't even know what to say about it. I was bawling. And of course, looking/thinking/seeing death makes me think about my dad. And I went to sleep last night hoping that I would dream about him because I miss him. And I did, but it was a terrible dream. He was looking at me and I was really uncomfortable for some reason and my stomach broke out in hives in the shape of a butterfly. He kept asking me what was happening and I had to keep telling him that it was his fault, that it was his fault I had the terrible ugly hives because he was there and he shouldn't have been. Um, this is all in the dream in case any of you non-readers thought it was real. He's dead.

And going with the dead theme, my mom broached the subject of what to do with his ashes during our lunch date today. I am so not ready to think about that, even though its been 7 freaking years.

Um. I'm pretty tense today. I think I need to do a run instead of Pilates, you know? I need some tension relief. Seriously. I'm totally agitated.

Moving Along

After getting my new yarn delivery yesterday, of course all I wanted to do was knit it up! But, the needles. I thought I had finally got to a point (ha ha, needles, point, ha) where I didn't need to buy a new set of needles for each new project. Now, that's true, to a certain extent. But I didn't have what I needed to start last night.

The pattern I'm using calls for 10.5s, but I wasn't convinced that was the right size for the substitute yarn I got. I swatched with 7s and it was a little too many stitches per inch for my taste (and the gauge, which for this shawl, I imagine is flexible). But my 8s are being used in Mike's sister's baby blanket (no, no progress whatsoever beyond the first hank of yarn but I do have until February) and I didn't want to remove them as that's a whole lotta stitches to put on a holder. So I couldn't do anything. Nothing. And it is so soft and pretty and I wanted to continue my swatch just so I could use it... but I stopped myself and put it aside. Today at lunch I went to Purl and got size 9 Addis and I'll be moving forward with those tonight. I am so excited to make this shawl.

Today was also a good day for my eyes. My eye doc, g-d bless him, said that everything should resolve itself and that my main problem right now is just dryness. So, its drops of special lube 4 x daily for 4 weeks and another checkup. And my pressue is back to normal after stopping the eye 'roids, so no glaucoma worries, either. Hip hip hooray!

Tomorrow I shall post some photos of my shawl progress with the pretty pretty purple loveliness.

Ahh. Yarn.

Received my KnitPicks order today. Am so freaking excited.

I got 7 skeins of Elegance in Lilac and it is SO soft. SO soft. I am at work now, and all I want to do is wind it around myself. But, I fear that may cause suspicion of me being crazy. I wish to keep my job, and as such I will wait until I get home to wrap myself in the yarn. I will make this, but in a larger version.

I also got 3 skeins of Shimmer in Grape Hyacinth. Also so freaking soft, which is probably obvious given that they are the same blend of alpaca and silk. Yum. Yummy yum yum yum. I will try to make Ene's Scarf from the Scarf Style book, also purchased through KnitPicks, with this yarn.

I am so excited that I just want to go home and start, now. No gym, no work, no 1 PM meeting, NOW!

I could see how it could happen...

...but that doesn't mean I condone the behavior.

I saw a movie yesterday afternoon, Pretty Persuasion. It was great, a witty satire that was over-the-top offensive and disturbing, yet amusing at the same time. Go see it. Without giving too much away, there's one scene when two young-ish male teachers are talking about two 15-year-old female students, and how they think that the girls know about their sexual power over men, even at that age. What is unsaid is that the male teachers experience some sort of desire for the girls, even though they know its wrong and won't cross that line. Go see the movie, and then you'll understand this post.

Last night, I dreamt about my old high school English teacher. I had him freshman year, and developed quite a bond with him. He was never my teacher again after that, but was the advisor on the yearbook staff when I was on it senior year (dork, I know). The point of revealing this is that we became friends. Or, as friends as a teenager in HS can be with a teacher in his late 20s-early 30s. I think my parents were disturbed that he took such an interest in me, but at the time, I didn't see anything wrong with it. My friend A and I would sometimes hang out with him, as HS wore down and the summer before college began. And I would see him sometimes over the summers as I grew older. I knew some of his friends, it was all very normal, you see? Except for the fact that he was my teacher and I was his student and he met me when I was 14 and he was probably 28 or so. Thinking back on it now, it is strange.

Nothing inappropriate ever took place, though there was some mild and harmless flirting. I admit that I was attracted to him in a teenage-crush sort of way. He was quite handsome and was way smarter (obviously) than the boys my age. He was there as a support for me when my dad first got sick and really helped me begin to feel comfortable with what life threw at me. But where do you draw the line? Yes, it was probably wrong of him to include me and A in his life outside school. Yes, it was pretty shady that we knew his friends and had been to his house, regardless of the fact that it occurred after we graduated. He was in a position of authority and should have drawn a line. But in a way, being his age now, he probably didn't really think it through. At this age, you are old enough to know what's wrong, but also old enough to trust yourself. But where, then, is the boundary? If you think you can handle it, you automatically let walls drop that should remain intact. Or do you?

I know that a few years ago he had a child with his wife, whom I also met. Heck, they may even be on to number two. Every now and then I think about him, and the movie made me think even more. I don't think he did anything wrong, but maybe that's only because nothing happened. I guess what I'm saying is that I can see how it could happen. I can see that if you were him with a great sense of humour and sense of self, and I was me at that time with a big fat crush and no fewer than a million emotional difficulties, I could see how it could happen. I don't think its right, but in a way is it fully wrong?

Gosh, I love movies that make you think.

Preparation Sucks

I finally did something crafty last night. Finally. I cut those damned dress pieces. Now, I love sewing. LOVE sewing. But I really dislike prepping to sew. I am fine with lining up seams and pinning and prepping and pressing, etc, but I truly hate cutting fabric. I'm good at it, so its not that I hate it because I suck, I just hate the time it takes and the pressure to do it right and all that.

I know I've spoken of it before, but here is what I am making, the dress itself:



This is my kitchen (read: sewing) table with most of the dress pieces cut, but still pinned, as I have no idea where my chalk is:



In case you can't tell what the fabric looks like, this is it. Its a stretch cotton and just beautiful:



And this is me, all sweaty after cutting on the kitchen floor and table for an hour, post-gym. Don't I look fabulous? A truly honest self-portrait. Note the sweaty forehead, and the look of almost heady relief at being mostly done cutting.



What's next? I need chalk so that I can transfer the guides for the darts, etc. I also need to cut some fusible interfacing for the bodice pieces. They also say to do it for the skirt, but I think that fabric is sturdy enough to bypass it for the skirt. Any suggestions here? I also think that when I head down to my store to get the chalk, I will purchase a pattern for a summer top. I don't know if I'm ready to take the plunge into the dress without first trying to do a top. I know its all the same sewing, but I'm just curious. Something small to complete first may give me some courage and confidence.

Corduroy Jacket? Are you NUTS?

Apparently, I am. Totally, certifiably bonkers. I bought a corduroy blazer today during my lunchtime break. In my defense (don't I ALWAYS have a defense?!), it is generally hard (read: impossible) to find things that fit me right. Especially since most stores tend to sell out of the tiny sizes first. So, when my walk today brought me to Old Navy and its sweet sweet air conditioning, I couldn't help myself. They had 1 size XS, and I got it:


What else could I do? What choice did I have? Its so cute. Its so interesting. And I must say, blazers are kind of my thing. I wear them all the time and I love them. So, I did it. And I love it. No excuses. Especially since I knew that if I didn't get it at that moment, I would never see it in my size again.

On other topics, I haven't been knitting much this week or last. I've stalled on my second OSW, as I think its going to be too big and I don't have enough yarn to finish it with the modifications I want. I've been playing with a shopping cart at KnitPicks, so we'll see what that brings. Does anyone just love Shimmer or Elegance? I have shawls in mind for both of them. I think I should just get them and quit talking about it. I'd like to use the Elegance for this, but larger. I would make the center back length closer to 30" or so. I'm finally breaking down and buying Scarf Style, and would use the Shimmer for one of the shawls in there.

In sewing news, I'm ready to do more now that I have my time back. I'd like to cut the pieces for this dumb dress that I've been yammering on about and use the green fabric for one more skirt from the pattern I love so much. Then, I've got a big mental shopping list for corduroy for a-line skirts for fall and some new style tote bags. I better get cracking lest these ideas just stay in my head and rot!

Shoes. Sigh.

I got a pair of flip flops yesterday after work. I think it was to make me feel better, which I don't like to do, but I also felt powerless to stop it.

I wear my ratty Teva flip flops to work every day. It is way too hot to deal with heels, and I figure that I don't give a crap if I don't have meetings, etc. But I should be wearing something a little more office apporpriate. Hence, these:



I really like them. And they are SO comfortable. I was hesitant at first because the sole is very thin, but it hasn't been a problem at all, and I've done a fair amount of walking today.


Yesterday was also much improved by sticking around the city after work and getting a drink with my honey. Its so great - just seeing his sweet sweet face after a hard day makes me melt. I walked into our bar and he was sitting there and smiling at me. He had the googly eyes and the beautiful smile and I swear a thousand pounds was lifted off of my shoulders just by looking at him looking at me with such love. Gosh I love that man. That, and after a few drinks the day seemed quite far away.

The Blahs

I guess I have the blahs today. I just don't feel interested in anything right now. I haven't answered more than two phone calls today and refuse to answer any more. I really just want to crawl back into bed, but its hot and our A/C sucked ass last night.

I suppose I can update on the BBFE's sister's baby blanket. Its coming along quite nicely. The past few days I've taken it on the subway with me for commuting, and its been a great knit for the train. Its easy to do and just the right mix of mindless and interesting. Last night I realized that I'm thisclose to the end of the first skein, so I decided to do a few rows in the A/C of my bedroom. It didn't hurt that the BBFE was watching baseball for the 2nd night in a row. I freaking hate baseball. Sure, I can tolerate it when I have to, but a 3-game series? Forget it. I'm so done. Anyhow, since it looks the same only larger, I won't be posting another photo until I turn the half-way point and reverse the stockinete sections. That will make for great drama.

I'm also worried about having enough yarn for the Scarlet shrug. I think I will, but I'm not convinced I'll actually be able to finish both of the sleeves. That made me think about alternates - I could pick one of the common colors in a solid of the same gauge (Lambs Pride Bulky would probably work well) and make the sleeves and the ribbing out of that. That would certainly provide some visual interest. I'm also concerned about it being too big across the back, as I think I translated the gauge wrong during my cast on. But then, if I increase the ribbing section, I may be able to pull it tighter with some sort of fastener. Its worth a shot, as I am enoying the knitting.

Ok, so I feel less blah after talking about my creations. Oh - wait - nope. There it is. Blah still exists.

Moving On

After all my whining and complianing about the OSW I made this weekend, what did I do last night? I cast on for another one, of course.

I have this amazing yarn that I love love love. I bought it first two winters ago in the orange/red color to make a hat, and loved it so much that I searched more than 3 yarn shops in the city to get more for a matching scarf. Which I started but never finished. It is so soft. It is so nice to the touch. It knits up beautifully. I had to adjust the pattern for the bigger gauge (about 3 stitches to the inch on size 11s), which seems to be working out fine.

I'll be doing long sleeves on this one, as I decided that I don't really like the no-sleeve thing on the other one. I'll probably just do "rectangle" sleeves with no shaping or tapering in an effort to get a gentle bell effect. I'll be leaving a rolled stockinette sleeve hem, but I still plan to do the 2x2 ribbing around the collar and back edge that the pattern calls for. Gosh, now I'm worried that I won't have enough yarn. I need to do approximately 7-8 more repeats of the main Row 3, Row 4 of the pattern, and I just finished my first 50g ball. Aside from the ball I just finished this morning (I knit a few rows before work!), I have at least 1 more unused ball and 3 in the unfinished scarf. Perhaps it'll be a 3/4 sleeve shrug...

Pictures to come tonight, as I am sure I'll make some big progress during the baseball game (Go Tribe!).

There's No Barley in my Chicken Barley Soup

This weekend I made the infamous One Skein Wonder. I loved the pattern but I hated every second of making it. Really? Hated? Yes, I hated it. Not the pattern, mind you, but the yarn.


I had really high expectations for the yarn - its Lorna's Laces Dove, which is a wool-cotton blend. I have never used a cotton blend before, so I don't know if my troubles were due to that, or to the yarn itself. I actually quite hate working in cotton for knitting (I think, what's the freakin' point?). But I love love love the Shepard Sport I'm using for the baby blanket, and I have so much respect for the quality and beauty of that line of yarns. So I figured, I would try the Dove, as I didn't want to make the OSW out of all wool, as it is sort of a summery thing what with the no sleeves and all.

And so I began. As I was at the store while doing it, I do not have progress shots. But it woudln't have mattered... because the torture and pain inflicted on yours truly could not have been captured by a mere camera, even the super cool one the BBFE got me.

The yarn was sticky. Not in the honey/scotch tape/glue stick kind of way, but in the summer day and vinyl seats/velcro/socks on carpeting kind of way. The damn crapola yarn stuck to everything. And when I say everything, I mean it snagged on the couch. It got stuck on itself. It snagged on the tiny milimeter of stubble on my shaved-that-moring legs. It stuck to my fingers. It. Was. Terrible. This issue was made even worse by the fact that I was really super worried about my gauge, and I was trying to knit a little looser than normal to meet the 4 stitches per inch. But it was nearly impossible with the Dove (aka hellfiber) sticking to everything in sight! It contstantly pulled on everything near it. The only way to use this monkey-fucker of a yarn is to hold it in a vaccuum or make friends with Bubble Boy or something. I have never been so relieved to be done with something, and praise be to whoever that the OSW is so freaking small. I would have poked my eyes out with my needles if I had to use it for another second.

The thing that really gets me is how beatifully she turned out. The colors are gorgeous, and the fabric feels really cool. Gosh, I hate it and love it so much at the same time.



I am also considering some practicality issues as expressed by others who have made this pattern. Now that I have tried it on (no pic, as BBFE leaves the house before I do in the morning, when I took these photos), it seems sort of ridiculous. I mean, its just a shoulder sling. I would very much like to knit this out of wool and add some sleeves with a nice gentle bell shape. I think that would look gorgeous. And I would probably use it more often, as I wear my other sleeves-only shrug that I got at the store all the time. We'll see. I have some stash yarn that I'm thinking about using, though its pretty bulky. I'd have to readjust some gauge issues, and I have never done that before, though I think that I certainly could... wish me luck! And if you have any pointers on using thicker yarns for this, just let me know.

Musings

This weekend is my last at the store. I am so glad for this, really. Its been a good run there. I learned that I am fairly good at sales, that I like helping people find things that look good on them, and that isolation in an 8 foot square for 14 hours over two days really helps the knitting along. I liked the introduction of Saturday night date-night with my honey. And, the adventure has paid for my other adventure, my great big fabulous amazing vacation.

But I sure am glad to be having my weeknds back. I miss lazy Saturday mornings with Mike, lounging on the couch watching old movies until one of us gets hungry for pancakes, which we then make. I miss lazy Saturday afternoons with Mike, lounging on the couch watching old movies until one of us gets hungry for lunch, which we then make. I miss going out on Friday and Saturday nights without the fear of I-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Tomorrow. I miss being able to see my family, especially my amazing nephew, who I can only see on weekends due to travel time. I miss just having plain old time to relax, to sit still in my own home and be present in my own life, rather than worrying about the rich girl who can't decide if she wants to buy the $98 halter top or the $108 tube top to go with the $128 skirt. There. That outfit costs more than I'll make in the weekend. I'm so done with that!

Dear Scrambled Eggs,
Please do not waste your time now that you have it back. On your weekends, please:

• Make the dress. The pattern is cut, so just cut the fabric and sew it up. You'll be glad you did.
  
• Make the blue top. You've been wanting it for so long. Use that amazing idea you had about the button loop closure for the low scoop back. It'll look so rad.
• Make the One Skein Wonder, you've been aching to start it. Just do it, already. The yarn is perfect and you'll totally wear that shrug a million times a week. At least.
  
• Keep taking pictures for the blog. People really like the pictures, and its nice to see results. On that note, finish some things, ok?
  
• Enjoy life.
  

Sincerely,
Your conscience

What's The Benefit?

I was startled and interested to read this article in today's New York Times. I have terrible skin that is actually doing pretty well right now, but I will ALWAYS consider my skin terrible. At my last visit to the dermatologist who put me on a topical regimen that actually seems to work, or at least hold the most gross parts at bay, he mentioned the same thing.

I was talking about how I'm 26 years old and I'm still having the skin trouble of a teenager. I'm also very sensitive about it and get embarassed so easily if someone points it out (which they never do) or if I notice something awry. After moaning and groaning about how this can't really be my fate, forever, he said this - Try asking yourself What's The Benefit? He went on to describe that oftentimes, patients, or people, hang on to things that they perceive to be bothersome simply because on some level they gain something from it. In my case, the situation would be that I psychosomatically produce my acne or keep it around or something, because of some other reason. Um, like I really want to feel freaking ugly all the time? Not so much. But then, when I started thinking about it, some things began to make sense.

Its easy to hide yourself behind a mask, if you will, much easier than showing a true face to the world. By "keeping" my acne, I could be doing several things. Maybe I am clinging to my youth, perhaps to the time before my father got sick and died when I still believed in life and protection and possibility. Maybe I am using it to hide behind, as in its easier to be confident when you think that noone is looking anyway because of your ugly face. Or maybe its easy to feel ugly so that you can blame shit on it or not have ot deal with being pretty and the social pressures that come with it.

If these are the benefits, is it worth it? If I let go of this shield, what's really going to happen? In all likelihood, I'll just feel better about myself. Or be less focused on the physical attributes of my face and more on what's going on inside my head. Though, I don't know how much more focused I can be in there without spontaneously combusting. But seriously. There is no benefit to emotionally clingling to acne. Its a manifestation of other, deeper ills. I don't need acne to miss my dad or to be at peace with the girl whose life ended after hearing the words, "Daddy has cancer." I don't need acne to hide behind instead of owning my true nature. I can be beautiful without qualifications or quantifications. Or whatever. Now I'm just getting soapbox-y.

Ain't That Sweet

Today, I shall leave you with a picture of true love:


This is from Saturday, at my sister's 30th birthday party. Isn't my love so cute? He is truly the most amazing man, and I feel so lucky to be the one he loves.

Aw.

Almost Lazy Morning, Definitely Lazy Eye

I'm at home this morning, as I wait until it is time to leave for my eye doctor appointment. There's always something wrong with me, you see? Its my left eye this time, the one I don't usually use. But I would still like to keep it. There's something, um, protruding from my eye. Its pretty inflamed and swollen, but in the great words of my great doctor, if it isn't oozing, you're probably in good shape.

In honor of my non-oozing eye, I'd like to present the first photos of my next project. Not the dress, though I did cut the pattern pieces for that two nights ago (just the pattern itself, not the fabric). Its a baby blanket for BBFE's sister, who is due in February. I'm using the pattern from the first Stitch N Bitch book. Its pretty repetitive but I'm finding it quite soothing and definitely engaging. I always loved seed stitch from the moment I learned to knit, and I like that its used as a border. I find myself excited about the switch of stockinette panels, though I am not there yet. Its good for working on in the store, as there's not much focusing you have to do on it and its easily picked up and put down.

I'm using the Lorna's Laces Shephard Sport that I initially got for a shawl. I knit up a few inches of the shawl with it and it was all wrong. That weekend we learned of the baby, and voila. I am still so in love with the colors. I hope they show up here well - its the Glenwood.

Blanket, far:


Blanket, corner:

Booger?

Every time I type in the URL for Blogger, I always start writing "booger" before I catch myself and correct it to Blogger. So, this is my boog, or um, blog. Right-o.

I'm having a shoe dilemma. I have a lot of shoes. And I always want more. I'm good about buying them - I shop sales and Filene's Basement and other savvy resources, you know? But its still buying a lot of shoes, so even if they are less expensive shoes than they could be, they are still sucking money. The BBFE likes to joke (or not really joke if you ask him) that I need a new room for my shoes. In my defense, I wear almost all of them, depending on the season and how aggressive I am about heel repair (note to self - fix those dumb shoes already!).

I see so many sales these days and I am in love with these two pairs of shoes from Bandolino. I initially looked at their site because I got a pair of that brand from the aforementioned Filene's Basement, and they are so cute and sassy and SO COMFORTABLE. So these and these are going to fulfill my every shoe fantasy, right? Probably not. It just so happens that they are a ridiculously good price for shoes of that quality and comfort, if you ask me. Will buying these prevent me from buying new shoes in the fall? Probably not. Will it make me happy to have them? Sure. But is it dumb to buy them now knowing that its too freaking hot to wear them until at least one month from now, at the earliest?

Perhaps I should consider paying off my vacation before I consider buying two new pairs of shoes. But they are super cute, aren't they?

Phinally, Photos

The tote herself (and my mom's torso):


The beautiful tote, with its lining (and gift) displayed:


The vintage button detail: