First of all, I read about this book today and I totally want to read it. How amazing does that sound? It totally taps into my interest in specific cultures. Not necessarily cultures in the form of the Nuer in Africa, but I guess sub-cultures of American life. I'm all for non-fiction, but in that category I mostly read memoirs of mental illness and anorexia. I've had a mental illness (panic and/or general anxiety disorder) but as of yet, I can't check that eating disroder box. Not such a strange interest combination when you think about, I guess. To be perfectly honest, I'm rather surprised I don't have an eating disorder. My life spun out of control at 16 and I've spent the last 10 years trying to put it back in order. Through my literature review, I know that eating disorders are about control, and goodness knows that's my biggest issue. Well, thank goodness for the little things, right?
Speaking of interests, what do I want to do with my life? Make that job. I know how I want to live my life. I didn't make the MSW program at Hunter (and even though NYU offered me a scholarship to do the same thing, I'm still feeling a little worthless about this), and I was so relieved. I don't know if that's about my incredible distaste for Hunter itself, or in Social Work as a career choice. To be blunt, the idea of making zero money for the rest of my life is no longer appealing. I want a job/career that pays me well enough to support my other interests, like sewing this skirt or being crafty or spending time with the people I love or joining a new gym like I did yesterday (thank goodness for that). I know that SW won't give me that. At least for about 10 years out of the program. By which time I'll be 40... yikes. I don't want to wait until I'm 40 before I begin to live comfortably. But where does that leave me now? I obviously don't want to commit to any MSW program right now. Let's look at the facts:
- I have now had and turned down two chances to go to NYU for this program. If that doesn't smell of lack-of-commitment, I don't know what does.
- I felt an enormous relief at making the waiting list for Hunter, thinking at first, thank g-d I don't have to go through with this.
- I feel like I have been convincing myself that SW is the way to go - because I want to do good things. This is without a single volunteer experience in the field - what do I really know about the work? Plus, I can do good things without resigning myself to a poor wage and little respect career-wise - I can get involved in my community, I can do lots of things that will make a difference while working my way up somewhere else.
- Oh yeah. I have this overwhelming desire to get out of the nonprofit sector. Immediately.
Wow. After re-reading this, I decided that I'm pretty boring these days. Aside from the super-fabu skirt-making. I have all the pieces cut on said skirt and I shall assemble them tonight after I sweat my ass off at the gym. Hooray for getting back into the game!