Friday, June 17, 2005

Blog Envy

I'm having blog envy. I think its because I have no pictures, no computer of my own (I shamefully post at work) and no web skills. I would love to have my own site, or the skils to modify this one. But at the very least I think having a camera and a means to post some photos will make this much more exciting.

Other exciting news? Well, I got in to Hunter. I got a phone call AND an email yesterday:

I am pleased to announce that a space at the school has opened and I am
authorized to invite you to join the incoming class of 2005 at the Hunter
College School of Social Work. Congratulations on your achievement!

If you are interested in attending for fall 2005, there are several
documents to complete in order to process your registration and field work.

Please contact me as soon as possible at the above e-mail or by telephone
at 212 xxx xxxx.

Once again, please accept my warmest congratulations.

Great. Thanks. I'm supposed to be really excited about this. And I am, I think. And I'm not. I'm more relieved that I actually got accepted because of my overachieverpride thingy. They called me on a Thursday and want to know by Tuesday. That's fast. You know what, fuckers? You want me to make this decision in less than one week while you dick around for MONTHS with your applications? You put me on this ridiculous roller coaster to shoot me down and then pick me up? And I repeat - less than one fucking week? Fuck you.

Um, can you tell I'm angry? My therapist will be so proud that I'm expressing this anger at them. But that's besides the point - the big deal now is what do I do? How do I know what the authentic feeling is? Do I want to commit time and money to this when I'm not sure? Am I unsure because of the delays? Or am I unsure because I tried to convince myself that this was what I wanted when all I wanted was direction? Did I convince myself that I didn't want it when I thought that they didn't want me? Or do I now not want them because I know that they DO want me?

I'm leaning towards not going. Its so much money and I just don't know if I'm cut out for it. I would like more time. But that's another thing - I had all the time in the world with NYU and I still don't want to go there. Doesn't that mean something? What will more time with Hunter give me? And, what on earth do I want to do with my career-life? For once I can say that I'm happy with my life-life. But this whole job thing just sucks.

No comments: