I Guess Its Not SO Bad

Yesterday, Mike said he liked the way my hair looked. I suppose its a good thing when the man you want to find you more beautiful than anyone in the world likes the haircut you detest. Enough about hair. I do not want my legacy to be centered on my lovely locks.

Tuesday Therapy Update: Andrea, my therapist, and I decided yesterday that I am no longer in crisis mode. I almost don't know how to react, but I think she's right. Its been seven years since I watched my father die and almost five since I've been working with her, and I do feel a difference. I can make choices and decisions today that I could not have 5 years ago, or even two years ago. I am starting to feel proactive rather than reactionary. This is big news. And so we decided to focus yesterday's time on the future, rather than the past. Except that I still have trouble picturing the future. I have never been able to do so, aside from being 15 and thinking, sure, I'll go to college. That's pretty much as far as I got. And I think it shows.

I couldn't come up with anything for ten years from now, except that I'd like to have a baby within ten years, as I'll be 36 going on 37 then. For five years from now, the only things I could identify were that I'd like to be married to Mike (hopefully in sooner than 5 years!), I'd like to make/create 40% of my wardrobe, and I'd like to have the money and time to continue my enjoyable pursuits of knitting and sewing. Um, that is it. That's all I could come up with.

So what's missing? Any sort of career direction. Ha. Big surprise. I don't even know what I'm interested in anymore, work-wise. How does one go about figuring that out? Most of my friends have passions that they pursue. Shell has her film stuff. Beth has music. Meredith has her voice-over career. Mike has architecture. My sister has construction. My bro-in-law has chefness. Nicole has wine. And I have technology planning and training? Huh?

Help! Maybe I should take a poll of what I should do for the next five years. Any suggestions?