New Patterns

Its not like I have a list a mile long of things I want to make or anything...

Burda released their Fall/Winter patterns recently and these caught my attention. I am 99.9% sure that I'll be purchasing them before the week is out.

The skirt, which looks kinda skanky on the model but won't be on me:



The dress, which is so freaking cute as a tunic or as a dress:



I recently separated the top and bottom pieces of the dress I'm currently making and I hope to have that near completion this weekkend. Of course, it is now no longer the season for such a dress but I hope I can push it another week or so. I can always wear it next year, I guess.

I'm on the third skein of the blankie-shawl, which I hope to finish soon. I may take a break from it to work on Mike's sister's baby blanket, as I decided I would like to give that to her over the holiday season instead of mailing it when she gives birth to the little nugget.

And there's so much else I want to make! I need more time...

I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah

I'm still here. Just boring.

I left town on Thursday the 15th and got back on Monday. The last few day's I've spent catching up on work, life, and the gym. Its amazing how even the most dedicated and well-meaning exerciser I am at home, I lose all sense of inclination to sweat while on the road. Mike and I brought running stuff with us to visit with his family, and not one of the days did we even think about putting on our sneaks. Well, maybe once I did, after eating two dinners one night, but it was a brief thought and I went to bed soon after. Then I felt lumpy and lazy, so I made up for it on Tuesday and yesterday.

Boxing. I took a boxing class at my gym. It kicked my arse, I tell you what. Try doing our opening number: jump rope for 2 minutes straight. Then take a 60-second break, and do it again. Then do it again. So, for those thought-challenged out there, that's a total of 6 minutes of jumping rope. Uh, its really hard. Really really hard. Even for someone like me that works out all the time and is in fairly good shape. I thought I was gonna fall down, and not because my feet kept getting tangle in the rope. For the record, jumping rope was a helluva lot easier when I was 9 than it is now.

Two Posts In A Day?

I am totally going to try my hand at this. I think I can make a really super cool one.

I'm B-B-Buggin'

Its happening again. The damn heebie-jeebies have got me in their claws and I'm freaking. Totally freaking.

First, the good news. This past weekend, I progressed 4 pattern repeats on the blankie-shawl. That's good, as I feared it might never grow. As in, I might never finish it. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, the not so good news. Much of which may sound like a repeat from a few months ago. And since I just love lists:

• I hate my job. It is a thankless place where I am underused and undervalued. I have zero prospects for moving ahead or gaining new skills, as the ruler-with-an-iron-fist prevents true learning and advancement from taking place.
• I feel stuck in my job, as I don't have any skills to move forward since I don't do anything here.
  
• I am destined to be poor poor poor. And even if I do find another job, I am forever going to be stuck in the same dumb earning bracket as I have been in for the last few years. I just don't see a way to get ahead. Which leads me to...
• I am so struggling with money right now. I spend too much and make too little. I know that the anser to that is definitely spend less, but I seem to be having mucho trouble with that. I think I am going to stick to a cash-only allowance once a week, and use that for everything. That means not only am I still leaving my credit cards at home, but I will no longer use my debit card. Cash only means cash only. As in the dolla bills I have in my wallet only. I figure I can try this allowance-based system for two months (my therapist's suggestion) and see how it goes.
  
• I am supposedly due for a raise in October but I can't even count on that because its too risky. And I hate worrying about money. And I feel terrible because I'll be forever holding Mike back with my dumb salary. Its a terrible feeling to want to be an equal partner but unable to do so. However, the median income for a 4-person family in New York is $69,354. If you divide that by two earners, that's $34,677 each. I make more than that, so something should be working out for me. I shouldn't be in as much trouble as I am. And its not that I'm in trouble, really, its just that I thought I would be in a much better place by now. And now that I see that I'm not, it makes me so anxious about ever getting to that place.
  

And I'm stuck. I am working on my application for grad school, again. I have decided on a Master's in Public Affairs, part-time, at a CUNY. I know I could do this and I know it could help me get ahead, but its also so disheartening. I feel so dumb. I feel so behind the curve. I feel so inadequate. Why do I up-and-down like this? Why do I seek self-value as reflected in others? Particularly this job. So, I have a job that isn't that interesting or exciting. Why do I let that indicate my self-worth? Why not feel excited that I can work on my essay while here and feel engaged in that way? Its hard to feel good about the trade-off. And I think its harder still because of how my last job ended. I was fired. Let go, as people instructed me to say. To go from that hurt and disappointment to this place where nothing I do has any meaning or value, well, its hard. It reinforces the worthlessness. You dig?

Sigh.

I guess its back to my essay.

Its Official. I'm 27.

Before I work up the energy to post about my fabu birthday party, I leave you with a photo of me and my sweetie at said party. Aw. Aren't we so cute?



The weekend highlights for now, just in case I never work up that energy:

• Mike made a yummy carrot cake. He also took me for a delicious birthday dinner. Ah, Peruvian food. How do I love thee?
  
• I arm wrestled, with pictures to prove it. But I did not win.
• I fell out of a plastic chair and bruised my elbow. I'll live.
• My nephew refused to sing me the birthday song, but he did repeat over and over, "Happy Birthday Muggie".
• We saw a guy get attacked on the subway, including cops with guns drawn and all the accompanying drama.
  

I'm sure there's more but see, the energy thing is just getting in the way.

Happy Birthday to me.

Finally, Some Sewing

Yesterday I did some sewing. I found a tutorial for a lined, zippered pouch on Craftster, and it was so super fun to make. Here is my pouch:



You may recognize the material from my as-yet-unfinished dress. Its beautiful. I lined it with some leftover coordinating material from my first skirt:



Don't you love my spindly fingers? Here it is filled with lotsa stuff:



For the record, we have in there a few packets of Advil that I stole from the supply closet at work, two different kinds of eye drops, some dental floss, my face powder, my Benadryl cream for those pesky hives I keep getting, and four different lip glosses and/or balms, including the best lipgloss ever:



Maybe I should consider paring down to one or two. Interesting idea.

The pouch features a 7" zipper, so its not that big. But its so cute. I think I shall start to make them and give them to people who I know would love them. It was really so easy to make, aside from the pesky zipper application, but now that I know the pitfalls there, the next one should be much easier. Invisible zippers are WAY better than regular zips. So, I just need to get some zips and I'll be in business! I'd like to make a few for my mom and sis for when I see them in a week or two. Don't you likey?

Is This The Shoe Blog?

I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. It was torturous, really. Normally shoe-buying is my most favoritest thing to do, but I've been trying to be better about how I spend my cash (no more credit, thankyouverymuch) and thus felt an enormous amount of guilt. For these:


Now, ain't they purdy? I found the picture on Zappos.com, which listed them for $63.99. I paid $39.90, with no tax, at the fabu DSW in Union Square. Now that's a deal. And that's part of why I got them:

1. Its tax-free week. Saving 8% is right up my alley. Fuck the man, you know?
   
2. They can be worn to work with slacks or a nice skirt, and they are also sexy enough that I can wear them with jeans and a hot top for nights out.
   
3. Uh, they are red patent leather. Isn't that reason enough?
   
4. They are so affordable, even with cash. Just shy of forty bucks, can't beat it.
   

I'm really not sure why I wavered so much. I have a little money coming in right now and even though its earmarked, its still available to me. I just sold my old (new) bed, and I still have my last check from the store that I haven't deposited yet. Between the two, I could buy ten and a half pairs of these shoes. That's more than enough to cover the one pair, you know? I think its that I'm trying to be good. But I also don't like when I see something I love and don't get it out of guilt and then think about it forever and ever after. Does that happen to anyone else? I knew that if I didn't get these, I would be thinking about them every day I got dressed in the morning wondering how great the pretty pretty inexpensive shoes would look with such-and-such outfit. Sigh. Its so hard to be a girl who doesn't make that much money but has wildly exciting fashion tastes.

And, its almost my birthday. Each year I like to get myself a present. Last year it was my favorite bag from LeSportSac and this year, it shall be the shoes.

And so it is settled.