No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

I try to be really good about my finances (try being the operative word), but the one thing I can say that I am very conscious of is bringing lunch to work as opposed to buying overpriced food near Penn Station, where I work. But its hot, and I'm lazy, so I've been buying more than my self-imposed limit of once per week. The upside to this is that I get my little frequent-buyer card stamped at the joint where I get my overpriced salad. And today, my friends, I got my free salad.

Free salad. Sounds great, right? But now, let's examine the situation. It wasn't free. I had to purchase ten (10) salads, at an average of $6.50 each, to get that free salad. That means I paid $65 to get my free salad today. I was so excited to get the free salad that for a minute, I forgot that my getting the free salad at all meant that I had shelled out a fairly serious sum of money in the days past.

I can think of plenty of ways to spend that $65 other than salad. Like, I could have gone to the grocery store and purchased a week's worth of breakfasts, lunches and dinners instead. Or gone out for a few nicer meals than salad mixed by some minimum-wage worker wearing a hairnet, that I then shovel into my mouth while fielding emails from people across the country.

On another note, I must vent. I don't quite think this is the most appropriate forum, but I'm hurt and I feel like I can't say it out loud. That's why I blog, right? So I can say all things things that I can't say out loud? Or the things that nobody listens to, like obsessive talk of crafting? I'm not engaged yet. I love my true love, and he loves me, but I feel like he's dragging his heels. I just don't understand it. We have discussed when we want to have the actual wedding, and I know he's smart enough to know that the engagement comes before the wedding, but I'm still waiting. I half feel like I'm going to wait forever. FOREVER. We've gone to jewelers, we've looked at rings, and I know its coming. We're saving to buy a house together. We have more than one joint banking account. Intellectually I know that he's not going to disappear on me. But the emotional part of me hates him for not doing it yet. I feel like if he really really really wanted to do it, it would just be done and I wouldn't be broadcasting it for all of the zero people who read this. Every morning when I wake up next to him, the very first thing I think about is that he hasn't asked me. Every day that passes that he doesn't ask crushes me just a little bit more. Sometimes I get so hurt and angry about it that I just can't even look at him.

I look at every woman I see on the subway, on the street, at the gym, to check their hand to see if they are engaged. I hate the ones that are, because it means that their true love cared enough to ask them and nobody knows by looking at me that I am loved so fiercely by the best man I have ever known. I know I'm impatient about it. But I also feel like I want it so much more than he wants it, and that is such a scary thing because it means he can break my heart. I know this. But my heart clenches and I can't stop thinking about it even so.

I'm not some 50s throwback weirdo that wants to be a prim and proper housewife. Its not like that. I just want him, in a bigger way than I have him now. I feel like his not doing this yet means that he's not sure about me. That he's still trying to decide if I'm really the one, if he even likes me enough. I dislike that feeling enormously. It exposes me for being weak and unsure and truthfully, it isn't like me to be so unconfident. But this one thing turns me in the a skittish, sobbing, pathetic rag of a girl.

And thus, I have vented. Let the chips fall where they may.

Compulsive

I have a shoe problem. Actually, make that a wardrobe problem. After working at nonprofits for 6 years, I don't have much clothing that actually looks good enough to wear to my current office. So, after wiping out all of my credit card debt, I suddenly feel like I've earned the opportunity to rectify that situation. Its bad. I know its bad. But is it so terrible to wish to look a little nicer, to be a little more stylish, to feel a little more confident? Enter these:



They would look super sharp with the dress pants I recently purchased, and with the right dress or skirt, could even be all season shoes. Plus, they are from Naturalizer, which means you can actually walk in them. But how does one decide if the shoes that one covets are worth the expense? Oh, and are these even in style anymore?

Still no knitting. Its too freaking hot, though today is a lovely lovely day. Still no sewing either, though I have high hopes. I'd like to make something like this. Kind of obi-like. I have this great coordinating fabric that I used to make some friends tote bags, and matching grosgrain ribbon that I think would be perfect. I'd do it reversible, of course. And I'd like to angle the sides where the ties would live so that its not just a rectangle. I am certain that this is my weekend project.

If I can, I may stop by Mood today after work and look for some fabric for the vintage pattern I got from ebay recently. Its an a-line short sleeved dress and requires only 4 pattern pieces. I figure I have no more excuses. Right? Right.

Oh Dear

I just realized how incredibly long its been since I posted anything. Anything at all. I suppose there's tons to update, but is it even worth it as its been so darned long?

Aha! List it is!

• I finished my first semester of graduate school, and somehow wound up with a 3.5 GPA. Now that's exciting news. I'm all registered for Fall, and ready for what will be a difficult semester as I'm taking a statistics/research class. Keeping my fingers crossed...
• I got four new patterns and may have created an ebay addiction for vintage patterns, of which I am the proud owner of one. Pictures to come.
• I started a Green Gable sweater in an effort to finally make a darned shirt to wear. I like how its coming so far. I am just a few rows away from the part where you separate the sleeves and get to try it on, so its the true test coming up. Whew.
  
• I am in the middle of a few pairs of socks, all on foot #1. I am about to try my first short row heel on a toe-up sock with the orangey Trekking yarn featured in the last post, which as we've decided was ages ago. Maybe by the time I finish it'll be sock-wearing time again.
  
• I'm still running and now have a new goal - I want to run a 5K in 30 minutes. I just clocked myself this weekend and I did 32:28 which isn't bad for someone with my stubby legs. I figure if I can work on some speed drills, I can easily shave off those two and a half minutes. My goal is by the end of the summer, so I guess that means Labor Day.
  

I have lots to say about all sorts of other stuff, but I think I'm taking a risk posting at work. I'll try to get some picks up at home in the next few days, and then be better about all this.

Welcome back to me!

Try and Try Again

I did go yarn shopping yesterday. Due to the rain, I stayed in Brooklyn and hit up Knit-A-Way, which seriously? Gets stranger and stranger every time I'm in there. The owner is nice, but there's always something off when I go there - yesterday it was the homeless man seated at their main front table, and the register was down so the owner had to add my stuff up without a receipt.

On the plus side, I got the needles I wanted (size 0 bamboo dpns) and I found two balls of Trekking XXL sock yarn that I fell in love with. I know you're thinking, more sock yarn and you haven't ever finished a pair? I know, I know. But I have goals. Aspirations.

I brought it home. I love it.



I hope the photo does it justice. Its a great fall color scheme - oranges and yellows and pea green and a nice light brown. I love it.



I've seen others use this kind of Trekking, the non-patterning kind, and I love the way it comes out. I'm 90% crazy about the colors (a little too baby for even me) but I like it.

I started a sock, a toe-up sock using that new technique from the new Knitty - the magic toe thingy. Magic indeed. I started the damned thing, no exaggeration, 6 times. And on the 7th time, I got it to work for me. At least I know now that I have perfected the technique. It looks good, though you can see the wonky part where I cast on the slip knot. Haven't figured out a way to get rid of it, and by that time I just wanted to knit the darned thing.



I have completed the toe (thank you, laundry!) and am now into the foot part. I'm using Wendy's Toe-Up pattern, just with the different toe for the new method. Sorry for the non-links today. Mike's machine runs Safari, which doesn't play nice with Blogger. I think this is the perfect sock - its just stockinette, which is what I wanted. I love the colors. I'll be learning the short row heel, and I'll be able to take it with me on the subway. So, if you see me with it on the train, please say hello!

Sigh

I have some free time right now. I almost don't know what to do with myself.

I finished blocking the shawl and it worked beautifully. The stitches relaxed nicely, and the piece is so so so so so soft. I wore it a few times this week and last week, and I just love it. It works equally well as a shawl and as a scarf. In fact, its super snuggly nd warm as a scarf, which I love. It will definitely come in handy next winter.

Right now I'm torn as to what to do next. I am thinking socks, as I must make my heel on Jaywalker #1 (remember those, that I started mid-February? Haven't touched them since the Florida conference). I also started the other socks, but I am thinking I'd really like a plain stockinette sock to work on instead of a lace sock. But, I only have the two sets of sock needles that are in use, so that would require buying another set. I don't think that's the worst thing in the world, and in fact, it may be a good excuse to go to Downtown Yarns to return two balls of mohair I am never going to use. Let's just hope they have the sock needles! I know Purl has a set, as I saw them on my day off on Wednesday.

Speaking of which, two days off this week! And its Spring Break at school! Even so, I have two papers to write and a team presentation to work on, so I still have a lot to do, I just have more time to do it in. Today, I am debating what to do. I have drink plans for 6 PM on tonight, but I have the whole day ahead of me. Do I take a Pilates class at 10? Do I skip it and go for a run later? What about sewing? I have so many ideas right now, but I am also leaning towards just sitting still and doing nothing, as that seems like such a luxury right now.

I'm thinking socks. Maybe a visit to some stores and socking... and I'll do the dishes. For sure.

A Finished Object!

Don't get too excited, as its unblocked and crawling with ends. But, I finally had a moment to myself and was determined to finish this thing! And I did! And I got almost all of my reading done! Hooray!

First, the dorky modeled shot (also totally blurry, sorry!), with me kneeling in front of an unhung mirror in our disastrously messy office at home:



Next, the full shot. This shot is great, because you can see Mike's plans underneath for his freelance project, as well as my big toe, his new computer and his old computer, and a box from when I moved in one year ago (for the second time for those of you who are counting) that is now filled with clothes we desperately need to donate.



And finally, the detail:



I think that the color is probably best represented by the full shot, at least on my screen. Its a really deep eggplant-y purple and I love it. Its super snuggly soft and I kinda wanna sleep with it tonight. The yarn is very sproingy, and so I hope it loosens up a bit once blocked - I'd like it to get a little bit longer, and for the garter stitch to open up a bit. I don't know what to exepct with this yarn. Has anyone used Knit PIcks Elegance and blocked it successfully?

Finally. Something is finished. And I actually can't wait to wear it! I suppose I can give it a soak after class tomorrow and spread it out to dry overnight. Maybe by Tuesday I'll be able to wear it!

Forgive This Ranting and Raving

So no knitting, not until three years from now when I will potentially hold a Masters degree and get my life back. And no relaxing either, as the fuckers who live above me have taken to jumping rope in the apartment. I suppose it wasn't enough for them to play basketball inside the house, and I guess that after they got in trouble for that they decided something as simple and 1950s as jumping rope would be better received. Wait, that assumes thought. I don't think they actually have brains, as I have only heard them scream and grunt so far, in the two years I've lived here, below the worst fucking neighbors ever. If their mother was ever home, maybe she'd do something about it. Maybe she wouldn't. As of this moment, while the light fixture in my living room is shaking so badly that I almost pray the ceiling would give way so that at least the fuckers would fall through and break their legs and not be able to jump rope anymore, I seriously doubt that the bitchasscuntfucker mother would do anything to stop them anyway. She never ever has, so why ruin her perfect record? Huh? You're supposed to parent your children? Oh, and you're supposed to stay home at night so that your children don't jump rope inside an APARTMENT BUILDING WHERE YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY RESIDENT? Huh? Really? Ok, so maybe I'm a little stressed out about working and schooling and not sleeping and feeling sick and not being able to concentrate and that eye twitch is coming back again, and I have to memorize the fucking Presidents for a grad school class and hello, did I mention that I'm 27? And that memorizing lists was so fourth grade, which was, like, ages ago? And its really hard to read stuff when you are SERIOUSLY THINKING THAT THE CEILING WILL FALL ON YOU AT ANY MOMENT and did I mention that I don't sleep anymore? Because I don't sleep anymore. In fact, tonight I am going to drug myself with Benadryl to make sure that I sleep just a little. Just enough to get me through the weekend, so that I can continue memorizing the fucking presidents. In order by election year. In fact, I don't see any positives at all, in this moment, which frightens me. My job is currently sapping the lifeforce of my soul through mindnumbing tasks, school work is overwhelming me, and for some reason, every time I wash the fucking dishes, its like they multipy by the thousands. I need to sleep but I can't because my home is LITERALLY SHAKING. And I'm too tired to even cry. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.